Eric's Page

Started going back to my classroom, and reality struck. The reality of working. The reality of being in the dark. The reality of new people to meet, being unsure of how it will all go.

So now my triggers happen to be anxiety-related as opposed to relaxation/boredom. An' these past few days my smoking has peaked, at least in context of the last few years, where I've been smoking maybe 3-5 cigarettes a day.

I have to adjust and separate from the Anxiety Cigarettes, mostly by ge… Continue

It's 8pm and I've only smoked once today. I went out and about, to Yuma, to do many things (eat, exchange a shirt at Penny's, deposit a check, bum around Petsmart), and I didn't bring my pack. Even before that, I just had this morning's cigarette, that was it, then I got to work doing a few things (emails, pay bills, etc.) that needed to be done. That one smoke wasn't even enjoyable to be honest. I will consider it a success if I can just have one or two tonight.

The success earlier to… Continue

I'm leaving my aunt's on Sunday to return back to my little corner of Arizona. Then work will be on the verge. Since I'll be back in my natural environment, I'm going to focus on separation then.

It's going to be a busy week with bringing home the new cats. I've decided to further put-off setting up my classroom because I want to facilitate a smooth transition for the cats into their new home, and furthermore, I don't think I'll need more than two whole days to do the classroom, which…

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I'm glad I gave myself so much time. It's giving me a chance to monitor my smoking honestly without the feeling of needing to separate NOW or NEVER!!!! The results seem to point straight toward the Relaxation Cigarette as the one I'm having and having and having. It's tough as a teacher because your schedule isn't as everyone else's. You don't have regular work year-round with isolated week-long holidays. I'm sure during the school year there are many more Manic and Depressive cigarettes, or…

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So this is it. I kinda want a cigarette right now. I'm all excited, and now I want to smoke. Ooops -- there's another trigger. Let's log it!

I'm approaching this with a good sense of humor. Ah, Eric, you dig yourself into such situations. Being addicted for nine years, smoking on and off, tsk tsk.

Of course, now that I have targeted the source of my great mood swings as a result of Bipolar II with my therapist, and have addressed that through therapy and medication, I feel optim…

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