YES YOU CAN!

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Comment by ~Edith~ on November 8, 2009 at 9:55am

Good for you, Ali! Only way you can get to the other side and notice the benefits is to get through the nasty cravings today. I know you can do it!

Comment by Ali on November 8, 2009 at 6:46am

OH GOOD EDITH! That is a relief, huh? I will not even say what I think here about that whole incident. It angers me so much. I put down the smoked last night at 830. I worte everything out that I neded to and I am dealing with awful cravings today. I want to feel healthy again and be strong and real for the up coming events.

Comment by ~Edith~ on November 7, 2009 at 7:02pm

I talked to my son this morning about the incident at Fort Hood. I'm so glad he's stationed at Ft. Eustis!

Comment by marinemom on November 7, 2009 at 6:01pm

Just remember Ali that we are all here for you. Love and prayers.

Comment by Ali on November 7, 2009 at 3:41pm

well I finished writing the eulogy today and I am also singing at the funeral while commnuin is given out. This is all happening on Tuesday. I have been processing all of this and my own life as well. Thinking about how I want to start living my life, what I want, what my goals are. I have been reassessing my entire life as far as what I do for a living and what my goals are in life. This has been a huge time for me to reflect on myself and it has been a much needed thing. It seemed as if I threw in the towel lately on myself and that is not something I am willing to do. I have needed to redirect my thoughts and energy into a new positive direction and make some decisions for myself. Smoking the last 2 days has sucked. All it has done is made me more addicted than I was before I even quit, but with having the guilt the entire time because I have the head of a non smoker. So I have chosen a tentative quit date and have a plan. I fear my quit date my be setting me up since it is before the funeral and for the first time during my entire quit I will be around smokers. This is the reason I say tentative. I do not want to go thru the beating myself up deal anymore so I need to pick a date that is realistic at this time. I have never had a plan before, only a automatic response. So I am making a plan and taking the steps to make this happen. I know in my gut I am finally doing this the right way that will work for me. Smoking is NOT working for me, I know that for sure. So I am using all the tools I can think of and utilizing them all, even in this time of sorrow. I appreciate all the kindness I have recieved. Thank you edith, and those who sent me emails.

Ali

Comment by ~Edith~ on November 7, 2009 at 8:33am

Comment by ~Edith~ on November 7, 2009 at 8:30am

OMG Ali! I'm so sorry to hear that. Losing a loved one is hard, but I think it's harder when you lose them during the holidays. I hadn't seen my mother in two years when she passed on Christmas eve of '93. I didn't get to say good-bye to her and the pain and guilt was horrible. After awhile, I decided to pass on the things I loved about my mother. She had a quirky sense of humor. She loved doing things for others, and her whole world revolved around family. Our family has never been the same since she passed. She passed 11 years before I quit smoking. I wish I could have been able to tell her that I quit. I was blocked by my own denial and resentments about my past. She was only 73 when she passed, and I feel I have a chance to live a long life since I quit smoking. My mom didn't smoke, but she abused her medications for years. I still love her though and I know she loved me. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not here yet, and all any of us have is today........right now. I'm in recovery now, and of all the failures and mistakes I've made, I'm grateful that I successfully arrested my addictions and don't practice them today.

Comment by Ali on November 5, 2009 at 8:51pm

My grandfather passed away today. I have been full of all kinds of emotions. I was supposed to go there to se himlast weekend and did not!! So guilt is ruling me. We changed our plans to tomorrow but tomorrow was too late. Tomorrow never came. I blew my quit because I was not strong. I had the week form hell and this just screwed me good. I did not have a good foundation to begin with and I am trying so hard to find one. Even thru this, I am really thinking more now than ever......how important it is to live in the day and live it to the fullest because we are not guarenteed tomorrow. So I am really learning a hard lesson but also learning that I need to make a choice on how I want to live today. I only have to live life one day at a time because that is all we are given. I lost tomorrow with my grandfather. I will never see him again because I assumed tomorrow would come and he would be here!!!!!! So how do I want to live MY life for today? What choices do I want to make? All these thoughts are rushing thru my head as I have tears rushing by knowing the following few days will be filled with grief and grieving. I am a recovering alcoholic as well so my sobriety is the utmost importance as well. I will be around family who drinks and who is not functional. I do not need to continue to smoke or put myself in harms way. For today,. I need to begin to start to take care of ME! I am not even sure what that means sometimes. BUT I know smoking did not fix anything today. It did not take away my pain, my grief and it certainly did not change one single thing! If tomorrow should come, I will start out by taking care of me first so I can better take care of others.

Comment by ~Edith~ on November 5, 2009 at 3:12pm

I think it's a good thing to be proud of your quit! You worked so hard for it and you earned your success! You're doing great!

Comment by Rick M on November 5, 2009 at 2:21pm

Good Going Jeannie. Five months you're doin great,

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