Friends Who Mock Your Attempt

[Vanessa]

"What is this the 30th time? Well good luck with that." *chuckles

"Once a smoker always a smoker. You just have to do it in moderation."

Ever had friends tell you this and wonder if they were really your friends? Unsupportive comments from friends or comments that give the sense the person doesn't want you to quit and make that positive sep can have a lot of reasons behind them. I'm sure we can all speculate. But the fact is nothing makes me reach for a cigarette quicker because I think "They're right. I can't do it. I suck. I give up." One of my biggest challenges is ignoring them and listening to my gut. But this time I'm determined. Anybody have good ideas of witty comebacks for unsupportive friends that the website hasn't already mentioned?

[Sue]

You want to be like me???? I pray no one has to use that one.

[Christine]

The worst I think is ex-smokers. I am on my 3rd week of Chantix and right now about 12 hours in with no smoking. On Friday I met a group of work friends out, one of which is an ex smoker. She's quit about a year now. Last year, I had quit as well, right around the same time she did and lasted almost 7 months but was fooled by the "I'll just have one cig, no big deal" trap and here I am again. So it's like she has this whole attitude that she lasted and I didn't. Every time we all hang out, all she can do is talk about not smoking and how the rest of us are weak and subordinate. She doesn't actually say those things but that's the message she conveys. So on Friday in one of her preaches I reminded her that I'm on the Chantix and steadily doing better. Instead of encouraging me her response was the following... You just can't do it because you don't want to and no pill or anything else will ever help you. WTF??? I wanted to choke this woman. I actually had to stop her mid sentence at one point and tell her I'm ending the conversation b/c I didn't agree with her opinion. She, of all people, should realize how hard it is and shooting a comment like that is so undermining it's not even funny. But.. at least one thing good came out of it.. I vow to NEVER behave that way to smokers now that I am quit again. I was a little "preachy" the last time I quit and this time I will remember that day and keep my mouth shut. Just had to vent....

[Giulia]

You should have choked her, then put her on the rack and torn her limb from limb. No, better yet, you should have forced her to smoke a cigarette. Oooooooooh!

[Mark]

Sounds like she quit so she could feel superior to her friends, and rub it in when she gets the chance. If so, I don't think I would call her a friend anymore. And if not, then perhaps she just needs to be reminded why she really quit.

[mylastvice]

The next time she tries to "dis" you like that, lift your hand and act like you are looking for something on her neck, and say "oh, I was looking for your collar, you sound as if you are preaching from a pulpit".

[Giulia]

I've been sitting here racking my brain trying to come up with some witty retort to your "friends'" comments. The only thing I can think of is "F you!" Which ain't too witty. But quitting aint' exactly an hilarious experience. And they obviously haven't a clue.

Good ideas?: Ignore them. And get your support from the people here, who know the depth of the struggle. If you spend some time reading on here (and with almost 10,000 members, there's LOT to read), you will discover an infinite amount of possibilities. All of which speak to the reasons why you CAN be a non smoker. Because we're all doing it, day by day...by day. Just read.

We're all in various stages of quits. From 2 days to one month to 6 mos. to where I am at 2 years 8 months. Don't mean a thing. It just means I've held on that long. Understand? We've all held on "that" long. This is truly a day by day thing.

Forget our "friends". Trust YOU. Because YOU know best.

....Part of your cheering section....

[Vanessa]

thanks guys. you know you're right. i actually am really proud of myself because two of my closest friends are heavy smokers and i went out with them last night. they went out for a cigarette break twice and both times i was ready with a bottle of water, a pack of almonds and my nicotine lozenges which i just started yesterday even though my quit date isn't until next saturday. i was truly nervous that i wouldn't be able to hang on. I didn't bother to tell them what I was doing because they've seen me try to quit so many times and I didn't want them to comment on that and derail my determination. So both times they asked me if I wanted one of their cigarettes and I said no, confidently. The lozenges helped (I got the 2 mg because I smoke less than a half pack and don't start smoking until the middle of the day). But also, redefining what it means to have a fun time and celebrate helped. Instead of smoking I brought something to snack on. That can be my new ritual. Or I can step out for fresh air for the sake of getting fresh air and not smoking. Another key thing, I literally maxed at two drinks and they were mini portion sized beers. It gave me something to hold while I talked to people and I got a little buzz but it wasn't enough to make me crave a cigarette. I was definitely still sober. It was a really great feeling and the first time I have gone out drinking/dancing that I have not given in to the urge to smoke. Here's to celebrating milestones.

[Giulia]

Well RAH RAH YOU! Fabulous determination and commitment. And that, folks, is the way to be a winner here!

[Sue]

WTG girlfriend....you have to start somewhere and you are testing things out and you are going to be able to do this I just know it!!!!

[David Hibling]

Went out to my local bar the first time last night since I quit in September waited a few weeks as I needed to be sure of my quit to be around alcohol and smokes (although France has banned cigs - private clubs have a loophole) so there I was with smoking "freinds" whose only response to my giving up was "we can tell - you have out on a lot of weight" thanks guys thanks guys

[Sue]

The weight is not a good thing I know, but you don't want to gain the weight either because you had to take steroids because of health issues from smoking. You are all strong we all are....heck if we can stop smoking even if we put on a few pounds we can take them off. Keep up the good work.

[Giulia]

Aren't friends FUN!